Thoughts and more


Written May 9th, 2020

-But didn’t you test negative? (30-50% of negatives are false negatives and many ppl still can’t get tested)

-It’s probably just anxiety (Almost every woman or person of color in the covid support groups said this happened to them. )

-Do you even have a fever? (not everyone have fevers. Many, myself included, only have them at night)

-But you aren’t even coughing? (you can have severe pneumonia without coughing, I’m one of those ppl)

-Just rest and handle it yourself, don’t stress anyone else out (ppl with covid are already extremely stressed about having to ask ppl for help, especially ppl who are normally very independent. Sometimes getting help means that you can rest and not go to the ER. For days, I could not get up in the morning or couldn’t walk more than 5 steps. Encourage ppl with covid to ask for help bc they already feel ashamed asking for so much help)

-You are young, you can’t have covid this bad (this virus hits ppl differently and there are 200 different strands. Very healthy young ppl have died).

-How are you worse today? You were better yesterday (covid is a rollercoaster. My best days were followed by my worse days. There are also about 10,000 symptoms that change daily)

-You seem fine, you are on social media a lot (typing online is different than talking, walking or breathing. It is also a nice distraction. There were days I could type but couldn’t get up, couldn’t talk and every breathe hurt).

-I believe you

-I’m so sorry this is happening, what can I do for you

-You are strong, you will get through this. You’ve won big battles before

-I’m going to drop off food or send food to you (don’t ask, just do it)

-I’m praying for you or sending positive vibes

-The world needs you, keep fighting. How can I help you fight?

-Thanks for sharing your story.

-You sharing your experiences have helped others

-since I can’t send you flowers, here are pics of flowers from my garden

-since I can’t be there with you, here are pics of the stars and moon

-here are pics of my adorable cats, dogs are the worst 😂


Written: May 3rd, 2020

As I sat on my couch yesterday, struggling to breathe, after walking for only 10 seconds, I heard tons of people outside my window. I was unable to walk a few seconds, and definitely unable to walk outside to the receive the vitamin D from the sun, that I so desperately needed. 

As it becomes warmer, people are breaking quarantine more. After over a month of lockdown, I think people start to think these destructive thoughts:
-“I probably already had covid”
-“Everyone will get it eventually.”

My boyfriend said the exact same thing before he had covid. He had the worst flu of his life, the end of February, but he still said covid was 100x worse. 

I’m not religious, and having covid (and probably very high fevers) made me see family members who had passed, while I was half sleeping/half awake. My boyfriend started praying daily during covid.

Covid is by far the scariest thing that has ever happened to me. Yesterday, I was afraid to even take a few steps to the bathroom because my blood pressure & heart rate would sky rocket (luckily I got rolly chairs & stools in every room now). 

Covid is (for me at least): having head aches that won’t go away, even with 3000 mg of Tylenol; getting chest pains so horrible that you feel like you’re having a heart attack; having random leg pains and rushing to put on compression socks to make sure you don’t get blood clots (and I am a 125 pound pescatarian, who normally has very low blood pressure & works out a ton).

People, please take this seriously. I don’t want my story to scare you, but to wake people up. I know I will get through this, but it could take a few weeks. I’ve felt sick since April 12 and had some symptoms for over a month. 

To show people how real this virus is, on my way to the ER the first time, I sent my will to my parents. I also wrote my “final thoughts” and emailed it to myself. Keep in mind, I had covid fog brain, but here it is (and the end is super cheesy) lol:

[I’ve lived a long happy life of struggle, 100 lives in 1 life. I traveled to 31 countries, met Marxist Leninist socialists all over the world; loved real true love, to my boyfriend I love you; I’ve been active in 4 strikes, public and charter; I’ve taught the best students in this world; I have the best cats in the world, even though Nala is a trash monster and Elizabeth is a cuddly bully. Elijah, I love you, best roomie ever. Take care of my kitties, and cuddle them lots. I’m so proud of my union, CTU. I’m so proud of every single one of my students and my Lgbtqia+ students. Lgbtqia+ students, especially transgender students, you are beautiful just the way you are. You are leaders. Don’t mourn me, do what you do best, lead revolutions, fight racism, sexism, ableism, transphobia and classism. 
To Sue Garza, who helped me nonstop, love you sister.
I love my family so much. I’m so proud of my brothers and what they’ve accomplished. Devin, with your PhD and school. Colin, with your businesses and perseverance, staying strong and making me laugh. Dad, I’m so proud of you and all you’ve accomplished. You are amazing, you made me an activist. Mom, I’m sorry, I yell and fight with you. I learned to be a strong women from you. You couldn’t have prevented this. Be kind to yourself.

To my extended family and friends, I love you all, please take care of my family like how you took care of me. 

Whenever you see someone with a bullhorn, I’ll be there with my abnormally obnoxious voice chanting, “CTU, CTU, CPAC now! Special ed rights are under attack, what do we do, stand up, fight back.”

Corona virus, I’m not afraid of you. You only killed me body, the movement lives on.]

Again, I will be okay. I’ll make it through this. But for those going out to hang with friends or groups, you might live through the coronavirus but some of your family or friends won’t. And even if you live through it, learn from my experience. It is horrific. 

Stay safe, love you all. I am finally improving slightly, after 21 days. 

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